Good-bye

So I think this will be the final entry for "The Chronicle."

I don't have the time to update this as frequently as work is getting busier. Not to mention the many changes in my personal life have brought me to a new place and I need to get myself focused better before I can fully express myself in a blog again. I do continue to write and reflect on life, God, etc, but must do it privately and wait before I can have a public blog again.

It's been a wonderful 2 years of blogging. God taught me a great deal and I continue to learn and grow.

I hope to resurrect the Chronicle, or some other journal later on.

Today I am very thankful for the many blessings God has chosen to bestow upon me.

A life devoted to pleasure

John D. Rockefeller
"I can think of nothing less pleasurable than a life devoted to pleasure."

This seems so simple and profound at the same time. And yet, of course, humorous.

But after you think for a little bit, you realize that our God wants us to be happy and full of joy. He is our ultimate source of joy. To have joy would be pleasurable. Therefore it can be determined that a life devoted to pleasure would be a life devoted to God because only God can provide pure pleasure and ultimate peace and happiness.

Yes, John D. Rockefeller, I too can think of nothing less pleasurable than a life devoted to serving and glorifying my God!

Contentment

A few months ago I mentioned feeling discontent with my life. Nothing really big, but just didn't feel at peace when at home.

I prayed that God would bring me that contentment and appreciation for what I have.

On Saturday, as I was sitting at my kitchen table sewing and Eric was studying, I had an overwhelming feeling of happiness, contentment and overall JOY. It was incredible.

PRAISE GOD!

Anniversary

WOW! How is it that it's been almost a month since I've updated this????

I've been really busy at work, so not much playtime for me lately.

Eric and I celebrated our 3rd anniversary yesterday. Well, started to celebrate anyway. He came home and we went to dinner and exchanged gifts. We're going out of town this weekend as well.

Last night at dinner he really surprised me with spiritual maturity. He prayed, "...and thank You God for all the trials we have had in our marriage."

I was near tears. He's thanking God for the hard times. How awesome. We've only been married three years, but we have had trials. And we will always have trials. He's living James to be thanking God for our trials.

"Thank you God for a wonderful, caring, and mature husband!"

Fasting

Sunday's sermon was on fasting. The biblical aspecs and origins. The Israelites were called to fast during the Day of Atonement. It was a day to wait on God and fully rely on God's strength. It was a day to trust God to work HIS will. It's an expression of total dependence on God. It's not about manipulating God, but about truly trusting Him.

Pastor A. used teh analogy of a broker vs. a Father. If we treat God as a broker, we go to Him with a list of things we want and are prepared to pay for them. However, if God is our father, we go to Him humbled and on our knees, showing Him our vulnerability and trusting Him.

Andrew listed several biblical examples of fasting

1 Sam 7: fasted for revival
Ezra: fasted before a dangerous journey
Daniel: fasted for health
Esther: fasted for her people and protection against evil
Nehemiah: fasted after hearing about the temple and before rebuilding
Jesus: fasted in preperation for His ministry
Disciples: fasted before choosing a replacement for Judas
Paul: fasted before beginning his ministry
Paul/Barnabas: fasted when commissioning elders

Fasting is kind of like extra credit. It's never truly commanded in the bible, but is demonstrated and highly encouraged.

In response to the sermon, Andrew "called" the congregation to a corporate fast on Tuesday. Fasting for "new life" in our community.

I've fasted before, but only short fasts, 6-8 hours. I wanted to challenge myself and do a total fast for 24 hours. I treated myself to a great dinner and a root beer float Monday night.

The focus of my fast was 2-fold. I fasted corporately for "new life;" praying for revival and a new appreciation of God in our community. I personally focused on my loneliness, depression, anger, bitterness, the direction God is leading me regarding fellowship and bible study, and the direction of my relationships with my co-workers. (That's a lot to pray about in one day.)

I don't want to be angry and bitter at work any longer. Part of my attitude adjustment involved forgiveness. Forgiving myself for my mistake a few weeks ago and allowign myself to move on.

I had a tough time. I kept wanting to eat something and tried to convince myself that I could eat dinner or drink juice and still say I did a partial fast. I wanted to distract myself from the hunger. I realized that the purpose of the fast is to pray when I'm hungry and to rely on God. Fasting without the prayer is a waste of time and just foolish.

I was determined to make it. And I did. Hunger kept me awake most of the night; I had to pray myself to sleep several times.

I don't think any bright light bulbs went off during the time of fasting and prayer. Nothing earth shattering or life changing took place. But at the end of the day I realized that yesterday was the most calm and peaceful day at work in several months. I wasn't bitter or angry. I didn't get upset. I don't even remember complaining.

On my drive home, a drive that usually causes me to yell and scream at the other California drivers, I was calm, patient, and just went with the flow.

This is a feeling I've not had at work in a long time. Total reliance on God for His strength created a peaceful spirit in me.

Now the goal is to remember this and continue to rely on God to get through every day. I already felt a tinge of frustration today over something that was a non-issue yesterday. I need to give it to God and let God deal with it in His way.

Telling Yourself the Truth --- The One Year Book of Hope

Psalm 119:28b-29
Strengthen me according to your word.
Remove the false way in me
Graciously grant me Your law.

New King James says, "Remove from me the way of lying!"

There are two types of lies that I need removed from me, lies to myself (or from Satan) and lies to other people.

Lies to Myself (Lies from Satan)
*I'm all alone in the world
*I have no friends
*Everyone hates me
*I'm stupid
*I'm unforgiveable
*I'm a bad wife
*What I'm doing isn't wrong
*Everything would be better if...

Lies to Other people
*A lie about my emotional state of being or an exaggeration of my state
*Life Sucks
*I'm not doing anything wrong

All of these lies are harmful. Aside from being sin, these lies will cause damage to myself or my relationships or other people.

Damage done by lying to myself:
*lowers my self-esteem
*pulls me further into depression
*I start to believe that they're true
*start to lie to others more
*turn and run away from God
*turn to the things of the world for comfort rather than to God

Damage of lying to others:
*Loss of trust
*that's how gossip and rumors start
*others are unable to help me and pray for me
*I lie to myself more

God ~ please remove the lies from me. Remove them from my mind and my mouth and my heart. Keep me honest with myself, my friends, my co-workers, my husband. Please help me to see the Grace and blessings that you have given me. Amen.

The One Year Book of Hope -- by Nancy Guthrie

I found this book at the Christian bookstore on Saturday. I wasn't sure yet if I wanted to buy it, so I set it back on the shelf and thought about it for a few days. I concluded that while I don't believe I'm in the place this author is writing to, this book can and would prove helpful for me in my current situation/trial. I bought the book yesterday

The book is designed to read a little piece each day, 5 days/week. Each week has a theme. Each day has a scripture, a devotion, and then a suggestion for digging deeper into the scripture for the day.

I pray that God will use this book to speak to me, to help me see the blessings that He's bestowed upon me, and to help me be the person God has created me to be.

The One Year Book of Hope

Finding Treasures in Trials...

"Whenever I feel fear or worry, I thank the Lord for the feeling, then test the following six reasons until I understand the source: the future, my reputation, money, possessions, time, or health. After that, I submit the concern to Him."

- From "It Takes Two to Tango" by Gary and Norma Smalley
All excerpts from "It Takes Two to Tango" are copyright 1997 Gary and Norma Smalley, and are used with permission.

New opportunity?

When Eric and I were out and about on Saturday we wandered into the Christian bookstore. As we were leaving, I saw a help wanted sign. Minimum 3 shifts a week. One shift that's open is M-F 5-9:30. I get off work at 3:30 and could work 3 evenings from 5-9:30.

I've been pondering the idea since Saturday.

I still haven't made a decision. I'm really liking having my evenings free to do what I want. But at the same time, all I do when I get home is watch TV and sulk. Sometimes I feel like the life gets sucked out of me as I walk in the door and I have no energy or motivation to do anything; I occassionally feel VERY depressed, lonely, and invisible. Would having a second job and something to do in the evenings alleviate this???? I dunno.

Eric and I are both concerned that I'll burn out. I would be working 12+ hours a day, and until I move back to my other shift, I'll be up starting at 5:30 and not get to bed until after 10. I don't know if that would be good for my spirit. I also fear that I would not have time to just hang out with the few friends that I have. If I choose to do another bible study or a one-on-one study with someone I would then go from 1 free evening a week to 0.

BUT .... I'd have something to do in the evenings. I'd have fellowship with other believers. I would be in a Christian bookstore; I love Christian bookstores. I might make a friend or two. I'd have the chance to serve the community where I live. It would be a ministry more than a job.

If I were to put all the pros and cons on a scale, I believe the scale would be balanced. I'm still seeking God on this. Since getting a job would really change things, I think I need a HUGE sign saying to do this. If I don't get that, I think I'll stay put and be content.